I have good parents. I never wanted for the essentials, even when there wasn't a lot of money. They raised to to be honest, a contributing member of society, to value education, to value my children.
They came from farms in the midwest and have done well for themselves.
And, even though I am educated, with a long term marriage, good children, I have been a grave disappointment to them. For sure to my mother, probably to my father (although he never says much).
I find it interesting that I no longer hear the digs from my mother. I visit expecting to hear them and no longer hear them. My family assures me she still says them. I do protest the ones she says about my children. To her, as soon as she says them.
I depend on my family and friends to keep me from becoming her.
I know she is insecure, but I don't know where the bitterness comes from.
We don't chose our families anymore than we chose our students.
My goal for this year: we teach the students we have.
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4 comments:
I could write dissertations about this. I chose to divorce myself from my parents (literally; I sued for emancipation when I was 17) and haven't seen or spoken to them in a little more than a decade. Just because we got them doesn't mean we have to keep them; severing myself from these poisonous people was the best choice I've ever made - for myself AND my children.
((hugs)) Your writing forced me to write this post. I see they are toxic. I admire so much about them - but haven't lived anywhere close since I went to college at 18.
Living at a distance, short visits, long discussions with my children before and after, are the most I can do toward divorcing me. I wonder if that makes me masochistic?
Not that it's a "WooHOO" situation, but WooHOO! I'm not the only one with weird parent issues. I mostly stay quiet when I talk with other people when we're in the "family" part of a discussion since I feel like I'll sound like such an ungrateful child and "how could you do this to your mom" type of person. I haven't talked to my mom since the late 90's, or my brother. Thank goodness they're 1000's of miles away.
I still keep contact with my (divorced) dad, but it's a surface-layer relationship. I time our phone conversations for kicks. I think the max has been 3 minutes or so.
Anyway, have fun with your next batch of students. Hopefully, there will be a minimum of toxicity in the year.
Ms. Cookie
Your comment at the end reminded me of a statement that was probably the best thing I got from a district-mandated training: "Remember that these parents are sending you the best children they've got -- they're not hiding the better ones at home."
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