Six Word Saturday

I am too much an accountant.



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Confession. I spend too much time thinking "I gave that, she gave this, she owes me blah blah." It is not a pretty part of my personality.

I keep it under wraps a lot, but it is there, festering.

And yet, my really good friendships are out of balance all the time.

I am coming to the place where I can let that happen because I know it will balance out in the end.

The ones that still eat at me are the ones where I give and give and get nothing back. The teacher who always wanted this resource or that resource that I had spent my time creating or finding (all the while complaining that she was too tired, too overworked, too broke) - but couldn't help me when I asked. She has tried getting stuff again ("I have misplaced the cd you gave me - can you give me another?" when I know I never gave her the cd because I had written her off by then.) She got pissy when my response was to send her the list of URLs I used to compile the information.

She wasn't a friend. She was someone I worked with. We have very different goals and values. I need to let it go. (This is not saying I am giving her stuff - I am done with that.)

But I have others where I actually spend a lot more time and money. And at any given point the relationship is out of whack. But the out-of-whackness shifts from one side to the other. As a friend used to say, "In a good relationship, everyone is giving 200%." Just not everyday. And I need to put the bookkeeping away and just enjoy.

I know who these friends are.