A Wise Child Part 2

I feel funny complaining about my parents. They are still together, they paid for my education and encouraged me to go further. They are generous. They are active in their church and community. They do not break the law. In fact, they are two of the most honest people I have ever met and have set a standard in much of their lives that I still work to reach.

They are emotionally abusive.

That sounds harsh, and I do not believe that they set out to make my life miserable. I do believe that in trying to to help me be the best I can be, they are unintentionally cruel.

It has taken me a long time to understand I will never be good enough and my brother can do no wrong.

I don't understand why and I think I don't care. I mean, when I ask myself what I want them to change, there is nothing. I think because they cannot be who I want them to be anymore than I can be who they want me to be.

So, I try (work really hard) to be that person for my children. There are things they could have done differently, but I love them as people and most of the time, that is all they see. Occasionally, I will announce "OK it is time for me to do my mom thing" and I talk through what I see they should be doing. We discuss "are you where you want to be? What do you need to be doing to get there?" and then - we go on.

I feel my parents could have given me better guidance (they had information I did not and did not share it - then after the fact implied I should have known it) so I work on that - without tearing my kids down.

They assure me that they understand the difference between the way my mother behaves and what I state that I want. And that I am doing is the correct path.

Now, why has all this come up? I have too much stuff. Way too much stuff. And it is difficult for me to get rid of it (and yes I know the word for this but we are not going there today). My husband says it got out of hand when we went on a family (like ENTIRE) family vacation 15 years ago. That I came back and started acquiring stuff.

The textbook says you do this to find value. I do not think I need the stuff anymore so I am slowly shedding stuff.

I think that is enough of the onion for today.